The Serenity Now

So it finally happened, I had a tough day. I know everyone has been expecting it. I kept getting questions of "This can't be that easy?". But it is still worth it. I would not trade this bonding leave experience for anything.

It started early in the morning, I felt I had just gone back to sleep after the 3 AM feeding but I heard cries from my two sons. I look at the clock and it is 6 AM, Alegna has already left and Lucas is asking if it is morning yet. I yell no you need to go back to sleep and I place a pacifier in Matias's mouth to see if that will calm him down. None of it works and they are both demanding my instant attention at the same time. I think quickly and tell Lucas to go pee in the bathroom and then he can come back and watch some videos so I can handle Matias. I go prepare his bottle with the pressure of his full blown hunger melt down, he's yelling at the top of his lungs. I start feeding him but now Lucas is hungry too. I do some juggling with Matias and the bottle in one hand and free up my other hand to quickly get him a yogurt and a spoon. Lucas decides that his teddy bear wants to eat yogurt too, so he stuffs the bears face into the yogurt pot, I try to stop him but I'm still feeding Matias so I can't do much. All I do is scare him so now the yogurt is all over the floor, chair and Lucas. He starts crying. I calm him down but I still can't do much for him because Matias is still eating and getting upset whenever I try to do something else. I'm overwhelmed and it is only 6:30 in the morning. Serenity now!

I managed to get everyone ready and now we are about to leave for daycare. It's raining hard and not the kind of rain that is nice, this one just mixes with the high temperature and everything just feels very humid. I struggle to get the two kids in the car under the pouring rain and get Lucas to daycare. I also need to do some shopping so I decide it's best to just go straight to the supermarket. It is a struggle again to get out of the car with Matias and the rain but I get it done. I get home exhausted, luckily Matias has fallen asleep in the car. I finish storing the groceries and collapse in bed. Matias starts to cry, he wants to feed again. Serenity now!

The rest of the day is a haze of tiredness, I do get a few breaks which I use to watch a movie. Alegna gets home and I do what I promised I would never do. I dump the kids on her and ask her for about 30 minutes off. She looks at me with my battle wounds of spit-ups and baby poo and agrees. I go to the yard, that now looks like a jungle, and decide to mow the lawn for the first time in a couple of weeks. I put on some headphones and listen to the Talking Heads at full volume. It is relaxing and I am myself again. Same as it ever was.

I'm ok. This was the toughest day since I started the blog but I survived and I am stronger for it. Matias and Lucas bring it on! I can take it!

What did I watch?
Fort Apache: Another one of the poll losers. John Wayne and Henry Fonda are great, there is also a surprising appearance by an adult Shirley Temple. As every John Ford western the scenery is breathtaking, even if it is in black and white. It's good but I liked She Wore a Yellow Ribbon better.