The Soul Mate

When I had Lucas I was all by myself with a 3 week old baby. My mom came for 3 weeks, my in-laws for 2 weeks and Armando took some vacation time. Back then he did not have a paternity leave or a bonding leave.

I had a per-diem position so I took 8 months off from work to be with Lucas. I enjoyed every one of those months and cried (a lot) when it was time for me to go back to work and send him to daycare. With Matias, things are different. I now have a full-time position and could only be on leave for 3 months, however, he got to experience something Lucas did not: spend 2 months with Armando.

I feel that when you have kids your life goes by in fast forward mode. One day I was in the hospital giving birth, then I had to go back to work and leave Armando in charge and now I find myself preparing everything to send Matias to daycare and holding back my tears. 

Armando has done an excellent job these 2 last months. He kept his end of the deal: 2 months of no cooking, giving bottles, changing diapers, mid-night waking up to feed, loading and unloading the dishwasher. He has taken great care of Matias and even knows (and this makes me a bit jealous) how to put him to sleep without so much crying better than me.

Without a doubt Armando is an excellent dad to both Lucas and Matias. He was even brave enough to get on a plane with both of them! 

Now we are getting ready for a new routine, one in which both of us are going to be working and will have to organize our time to the last minute. However, we are not afraid of changes. We came to this country 7 years ago with our lives packed in 2 suitcases (like most Venezuelans) and have accomplished a great deal of things. 

Life with two kids is hard, but we are in this together. Right compañero?

The Alternate Side

This week was fun. I came home and did not have to worry about dinner or lunch. I didn’t have to pack anyone’s lunch bag for school. I crafted and left a mess without worrying Lucas might come to my desk to play with my beads or pliers.

I came home and had all the time in the world to binge watch Parenthood, Velvet and Big Little Lies. I even had time to try a new hobby! I came home and there were weeds everywhere so I thought perhaps gardening was my thing and I just didn’t know it… my dreams and hopes of being the next Martha Stewart of gardening faded away when the first worm crawled from the earth. YUCK!

All in all it was a good week. However, coming to an empty house was rough, not having anything to do was strange, having so much free time on my hands was weird.

The highlight of my week was Saturday at 2 pm when I went to the airport to greet Armando, Lucas and Matias. I made Lucas a goody bag with some fish crackers, Welch’s gummies, Pocky sticks, PJ Mask stickers and a Welcome balloon. I was so happy to finally have my boys at home.

The Stranded

I got home to an empty house. Home is not the same without Armando and the kids. I tried to keep myself busy during the afternoon. I went to a friend’s baby sprinkle, then to the grocery store, I came home, took a shower and went to a friend’s house. We talked about everything and nothing…good old chit-chatting for the soul.

Today I video-chatted with my mom for 1hr, I broke my brother’s heart when I told him I didn’t like Dona Barbara, caught up over the phone with my friend that lives in France, went to the mall and got a mani and pedi. It was a different and fun kind of day.

I was brought up by my mom, grandmother and great-grandmother and one of the things I remember the most about my childhood were the summer trips my brother and I took with my grandma and my great-grandma. We would hop in a car and drive 8 hours to visit family in Maracaibo or Valera and it was so much fun to be with people we only saw once or twice a year and it was fun to be with our grandma and skip some of the rules my mom had like not drinking soda during the week.

We want our kids to have some of the experiences we had, allow them to spend time with their great-grandparents (how lucky are they to have 3!) and grand-parents, see our family that still lives in Venezuela, meet all their uncles and cousins, but above all to have  fun, enjoy their childhood and hopefully one day go to Venezuela and see the place where their parents grew up. I know Lucas and Matias will not remember this week, but our family will and they will probably hear the stories of this week when they grow up.  

Did I have fun yesterday and today? Yes, I did. However, I feel like the Rocket Man “I miss the earth so much. I miss my wife. It is lonely out in space”.

The Pool Guy

Getting Lucas to swim with us has been a struggle. The first day we bought some floaties that were apparently too small for him. He was very excited to jump in the pool and swim, but when I let him go to test the floaties he just sank. After that we bought a vest, but while my mom was putting it on him he slipped and fell face first into the water. From that point on he has refused going back into the pool or the beach. I have forced him a couple of times by holding him and promising that I will not let go of him, but he starts shaking in fear and then I just feel terrible. Today was Alegna's last day before returning home and leaving us in Florida for an extra week, so we tried to use this to convince him to go swim with us.

We took him to the beach and tried but he was still too scared. He stayed by the shore playing with sand with my mom while we swam and exaggerated how much fun we were having. We even bought him a spider man floating device and convinced him that he would be able to throw spiderwebs from it if he swam, but it did not work. My mom used a different technique and gradually approached him to the water. First it was by throwing rocks and sand into the water. Then she made him walk a little closer to see the fish swimming. Finally he reached Alegna's arms and we were able to convince him to splash with his feet and make some swimming movements. It didn't last long, soon he wanted to get back to the shore, but we were happy that the fear wasn't as bad this time. I hope that by the end of the week he will have lost it completely.

As I said previously Alegna will be returning home tomorrow. She is a bit sentimental and I can understand why. My recommendation is to use this week to do everything that she hasn't been able to do in the past 3 years. Use it as a vacation from us. She will be writing this weekend as a guest again to describe her feelings and her experiences in being left alone to do as she pleases. I will still be here in Florida for another week. The only worry I have is handling the two at the same time at the airport on the trip back.

The Fatigues

If you recall Thursday’s post Armando had to call reinforcements to help him with Matias due to a stomach bug. That day I came home to a defeated man. He was lying in the couch and I came with some Imodium and Gatorade to help him with his ailments. He said Matias was an angel because every time he cried he would go to his crib and there he was with the biggest smile even though Armando was trying not to hold him or touch him.

Friday afternoon I got to daycare to pick Lucas up and noticed he was a bit warm. I asked the teacher if she had noticed anything and she said he had been acting fine all day long. I got home, took his temperature and that confirmed what I already knew: he is running a fever.

Both Armando and I had a rough night. Lucas sweated out the fever and woke up crying. His hair was wet, his pj’s were wet, and his bed was wet. We were too tired to change his sheets and put him down in ours. In the morning he was doing better and while he was in soccer practice Matias was taking his bottle and suddenly started throwing up. I changed him, changed the bed sheets, changed my clothes and Lucas came home. He did not have a big appetite, but is drinking fluids and I am fine with that. Then Matias has a lose bowel movement and Lucas starts running a fever again.

The 1^st time Lucas got sick after I got back to work I was so tired I had to call out. I thought of all the times me or my brother got sick while we were growing up and I never remember my mom staying home with us. She would take care of us at night, wake up in the morning, drop whoever was feeling fine at school and the sick one at my grandma’s and then went work. Having kids makes you realize and appreciate all the things our parents did for us that go unnoticed because we don’t remember.

This weekend went down between soiled diapers, fevers and puke. I need a weekend to recover from this weekend, but to be honest I would not change it for the world. 

The Wife

The alarm went off, I sat on the edge of the bed and went to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror, took a deep breath and said to myself: you can do this! And so began the Summer of Armando and ended the Spring of Alegna.

Going back to work was different this time around. With Lucas I was able to stay home for 8 months. Back then I was a Per-Diem interpreter and our lives were different. Now, I have a full time position and was only able to take 12 weeks off.

I was ready to leave and went to Lucas’s room and kissed him. It is hard to put him to bed, I think he suffers from constant fear of missing out (FOMO), however, once he falls asleep nothing wakes him up so mom’s kisses probably become part of his sweet dreams. Matias, on the other hand, has a lighter sleep and I guess the scent of mom close to him tells him that it is time to wake. I tried to soothe him back to sleep, but I was not able and Armando had to wake up.

I must confess that I enjoyed going back to work, but it was hard nonetheless. I had more than 1000 emails to go through, a ceiling tile had fallen on my desk while I was gone and people were excited to see pictures of Matias. I think I called and texted Armando too many times. Is he up yet? Did he drink his bottle? How was Lucas’s morning routine? Did you put Matias in his crib for his nap? These were some of the questions running through my mind and that I asked every single time I called and texted.

In the morning I was able to talk to Lucas on the phone on his way to daycare. In perfect Spanish he asked me: Mamá why weren’t you at home this morning? I said sweetie because I had to go back to work and after a short pause he asked but why? Well my love, mommy has a job.

Trying to be the perfect mom and having a successful career are hard things to accomplish. With certain pride in my voice I informed people that my husband was staying home for 8 weeks. Of course a part of me wants him to fail so I can gloat that I am perfect.

However, Armando did a great job during his first week (more like 3 days but who is keeping tabs?). I came home to an empty dishwasher, clean bottles and rice.

So Far I give him a B+

About the Poll

I also voted for Equus. I did not enjoy the thought of having to watch a movie about a horse serial killer. However, at night I ended up watching the end of it. The movie was a bit weird and after reading the Wikipedia article I realized the title rang a bell because Daniel Radcliffe was in the play in London.